I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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