Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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