my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
