everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
