somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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