3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
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I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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