do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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