I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
