It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
