As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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