it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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