THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
