So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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