how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
