My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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