Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
