Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
