I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
