Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
