My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
