Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
