Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We need to get me chipped asap
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
