you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
