I wish I could teleport
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.