...so i touched it.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance