Just fell off a train. Bad.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
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so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
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Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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