I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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