I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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