When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Holy sore nipples Batman
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
