I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
