Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
