No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
