FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
