god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You have to summon your inner elephant
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
