You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
This is the high leading the old right now
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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