he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
