he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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