don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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