If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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