your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
