i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
