just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
