You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
No subtext here. People are naked.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
