The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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