Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
