dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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