He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
