she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I stole a fireplace last night.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
