Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
