Screwed.edu
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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