I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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