I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
