hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Randomize
