I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
