I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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