I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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