Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I think your dad took our porno
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
