Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
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