Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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