I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them