Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
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