i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
this is an emotional support booty call
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
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