He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
