At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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