Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
should my penis look like a turkey
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
