I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
