Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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