Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
