sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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