SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
