Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
