remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
