My liver just broke up with me...
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
