Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
