my mouth tastes like poor choices
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
