oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
