For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
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he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
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Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
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